One Habit I Finally Want to Deal With
Some habits stay with you for years. At first, you think you control them. Then you kind of make deals with them. And one day you catch yourself thinking: how long am I going to keep putting this off?
One Habit I Finally Want to Deal With
I have been thinking for a long time that I want to quit smoking. Not for a week. Not for a month. For a long time. But every time, I found a reason to postpone it. And now, it feels like I am tired of those reasons myself.
This is not a story about how I have already won. This is an honest text about the moment when you no longer want to pretend that a habit will somehow disappear on its own.
Recently I was standing outside with a cigarette and thought: who am I even trying to fool? Not doctors. Not my wife. Not people I know. Myself. Because honestly, I have known for a long time that I want to stop this.
There was always a reason to postpone it
I cannot say that I have never thought about quitting smoking. I have. Many times.
It is just that every time there was something that seemed to get in the way. Too much to do. Stress. Moving abroad. New things to handle. Not the right moment. I need to calm down first. I need to prepare.
And time kept passing. The reasons changed. The habit stayed.
The most unpleasant thing is not even the cigarette. The most unpleasant thing is that you understand everything perfectly well, but still postpone the decision.
What I started noticing
- A cigarette often became automatic
- A pause did not really feel like rest anymore
- After stress, the hand reaches for the habit by itself
- I want to have more strength
- I want to breathe easier
- I am tired of depending on it
- I do not want to keep postponing it
It has not been only about cigarettes for a long time
If it were just a cigarette, maybe everything would be easier. Take it or do not take it. Light it or do not light it.
But smoking became tied to different parts of the day. Morning. Coffee. A break. Stress. The road. Waiting. Tiredness. The moment when you want to go outside and be alone for a few minutes.
Sometimes it feels like it helps you breathe out. But honestly, very often it is just feeding the habit one more time.
It looks like you go out for a few minutes to rest. But you come back with the same state. And with the thought that you again did the thing you have wanted to stop for a long time.
After moving, old habits become easier to see
After moving to Norway, many things became different. A different rhythm. Different rules. Different people. A different life around us.
And among all these changes, I suddenly noticed that some old habits simply moved with me. As if everything around had changed, but they stayed.
Smoking is one of them.
And then it becomes hard not to ask yourself a simple question: if I am building a new rhythm of life, why am I still holding on to something that has not helped me for a long time?
See it
First, I need to honestly admit: this habit is still here. And it takes more space in my life than I would like.
Stop postponing
The word “later” is very convenient. But if you repeat it for years, it changes nothing.
Start
You do not have to wait for the perfect day. An ordinary day is also good enough to take the first real step.
I do not want to pretend that everything is already solved
I am not writing this as if I will wake up tomorrow as a different person. That would be nice, but life usually does not work like that.
I am simply saying honestly: I am tired of this habit. Tired of justifying it. Tired of moving the decision to later. Tired of thinking that it will somehow pass by itself.
It will not. If nothing changes, it will stay.
Maybe that is what touches me most now. Not fear. Not someone else’s words. Just a simple understanding: I have to stop this myself.
The dependence is what annoys me most
At some point, it is not only the smoking itself that starts to annoy you. It is the fact that the habit constantly asks for attention.
Do I have cigarettes? Do I have a lighter? When can I go out? Where is it allowed? How many are left? Will there be a break?
It sounds small. But during the day, many small things like this add up. And part of your head is always busy with something you supposedly already want to give up.
That is probably the worst part. When the habit no longer brings joy, but still holds you.
I want to see what life is like without it
I am really curious what life without cigarettes would feel like. Not in theory. Not in a picture. In an ordinary day.
What it will be like in the morning. What it will be like after coffee. What it will be like after stress. What it will be like in the moment when I used to automatically go out for a smoke.
I want to understand what will change with breathing. With strength. With mood. With patience. With the feeling that I am the one who controls my day.
Maybe it will not be easy. Most likely, it will not be easy. But I no longer want to leave everything as it is.
It is not only about health
Of course, smoking is about health. There is not much to argue about here.
But for me, right now, it is also about freedom. About not planning the day around a cigarette. Not waiting for the moment. Not looking for a break. Not having that small “I need to” in my head all the time.
I want a simpler feeling: if I want to rest, I just rest. Without smoke. Without the habit. Without this constant inner bargaining.
It may sound very simple. But sometimes the simplest things are the hardest to change.
Family also makes you look at it differently
When you have a family, you start looking at your habits more carefully. Not because someone is standing over you. But because you understand yourself: your state affects more than just you.
If you have less strength, it shows at home. If you feel worse, it shows too. If a habit takes away calm, time and part of your attention, it does not stay only your personal thing.
Children do not look at what we say beautifully. They see how we live.
And maybe, in this place, I want my example to be different.
I do not want to keep negotiating with this habit
I have made many deals with myself before. Just a little longer. Later. I will reduce it. After this week. After the stress. After the holidays. After things calm down.
But the truth is, things may not calm down. Life always brings something. Work. Family. Plans. Everyday things. New questions.
If you wait until everything becomes perfect, you can wait for a very long time.
So maybe you do not start when everything is convenient. You start when you finally understand: enough.
This text is also a step for me
Maybe for someone this will seem small. Just wrote a text. What is the big deal?
But for me, it is a way to stop hiding the topic. Because as long as you stay silent, you can keep pretending for a long time that nothing is happening.
And when you say it out loud, it becomes harder to postpone it again. It becomes less convenient to explain to yourself why it is still not the right time.
I do not know how quickly it will work out. But I know that I want to finally deal with it.
I want to finally deal with it
Not for a beautiful story. Not to prove something to someone. Simply because I am tired of postponing it myself.
I want more strength. More freedom. More honesty with myself. And fewer things that keep following me only because I avoided making a decision for too long.
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