I Stopped Believing That Constant Exhaustion Is Normal
Feeling tired after a difficult day is one thing. Waking up with no energy, waiting for the day to end and still not feeling rested after sleep is something else. For a long time, I explained it with age, stress, moving abroad and having too much to deal with. Eventually, I stopped telling myself that this was simply how all adults lived.
I Stopped Believing That Constant Exhaustion Is Normal
I do not think a person should wake up full of energy every morning, never feel tired and manage everything. We all have difficult days, sleepless nights and periods when there is too much to do. But constantly waking up with no energy gradually stopped feeling normal to me.
I am writing only about my own experience. About a condition I slowly became used to, and the moment when I stopped automatically blaming my tiredness on age, responsibilities and adult life.
After moving to Norway, almost everything changed. A different country, a new language, an unfamiliar system, questions about work, the children’s schools, housing and our family’s future. Even when an ordinary day looked calm from the outside, many different thoughts could still be running through my head.
For a long time, I was sure this explained my exhaustion. It was simply a difficult period and things would become easier later. I needed to be patient, deal with the most important matters, get used to our new life and wait for everything to settle down.
But time passed, and I increasingly woke up without feeling properly rested. By evening, my legs felt heavy, my back reminded me that it was there, and sleep did not always leave me feeling that my body had recovered.
It is easy to get used to constant exhaustion
That was probably the main problem. My condition did not change overnight. I did not wake up one morning feeling like a completely different person. I simply had less energy over time, and I always found a reasonable explanation for it.
I had slept badly because I had too much on my mind. My back hurt because I was not moving enough. I did not want to do anything because it had been a difficult day. I woke up tired because I had gone to bed too late.
Each explanation made sense on its own. Together, however, they became a condition that continued for weeks and months.
The most difficult part is that eventually you stop comparing how you feel now with how you used to feel. The new condition simply becomes familiar.
What I started noticing
- I woke up without feeling rested
- I became tired more quickly during the day
- My legs often felt heavy
- My back bothered me more often
- I kept postponing ordinary tasks
- I often wanted to sit down and do nothing
Feeling tired is one thing. Living tired is another
Tiredness after physical work, a long journey, a sleepless night or a difficult day is understandable. You rest, sleep, slow down for a while and your energy gradually returns.
Something else began to concern me. I could spend the day without doing anything especially difficult and still feel as though I had been carrying something heavy for hours.
Weekends did not always help either. I could sleep longer and avoid rushing, but by Monday morning I already felt as though I needed another break.
That was when I started understanding that the problem was not just one difficult day.
An ordinary evening many people will recognise
You come home, take off your shoes, put the shopping bags down and stand in the hallway for a few seconds. Nothing serious has happened. You simply have almost no energy left for the rest of the day.
But the day is not over yet. Something needs to be cooked. Messages need answering. The children want to talk. There are household matters to deal with and plans to make for tomorrow.
At times like these, I often said: “I will sit down for a few minutes and then do everything.” Sometimes I got up and did it. Sometimes part of it was postponed until the next day.
From the outside, it probably looked like an ordinary evening in an adult’s life. But when the same kind of evening happens again and again, you begin asking questions.
Moving abroad also takes a lot of energy
When someone moves to another country, the tiredness does not come only from physical tasks. A lot of energy goes into things that once happened almost automatically.
You need to listen more carefully. Choose your words. Work out where to go for help. Read letters several times. Check whether you understood the question correctly.
On top of this, there are thoughts about work, children, finances and the future. You may be sitting at home, but your mind continues working.
I do not think moving abroad explained everything. But it was definitely part of the overall pressure that stayed with me for a long time.
I noticed it
First, I admitted that the exhaustion was happening too often and was already affecting ordinary parts of my day.
I stopped excusing it
I stopped blaming my condition every time on age, the weather, being busy or simply having a bad day.
I started changing things
Then I began looking more carefully at sleep, food, movement, workload and my everyday habits.
My exhaustion affected more than just me
When you have very little energy, your body is not the only thing affected. It gradually changes the way you communicate with the people closest to you.
The children are telling you something, but you are only half listening because all you can think about is sitting down. Your wife suggests going for a walk, but you would rather stay at home.
You may become irritated more quickly, postpone a conversation or answer more sharply than you intended.
Nobody does this deliberately. Ordinary things simply require more patience when your energy is low.
When you have no energy, it is harder to think beyond today
In the article “Why Adults Stop Dreaming” , I wrote about responsibility, fear and the habit of living only through immediate tasks.
But there is another simple reason. Sometimes people stop making plans because they are constantly exhausted.
When you spend the whole day thinking about how to finish what must be done, it is difficult to calmly plan for the future, begin something new or choose a new direction.
It does not necessarily mean that someone is lazy or no longer wants anything. Sometimes they simply do not have enough energy even to think about it.
I did not look for one simple answer
It would have been convenient to find one cause, change one thing and consider the matter solved. Life does not always work that way.
I started looking at my day as a whole. What time I went to bed. How I felt when I woke up. What and when I ate. How much I moved. How long I spent sitting. How often I gave myself time to rest properly.
Each of these things may seem small on its own. Together, however, they form an ordinary day, and those days eventually become weeks and months.
Instead of waiting for one major answer, I began gradually reviewing the things I repeated every day.
It is easy to postpone your own well-being
Work usually comes with deadlines. A bill has to be paid by a certain date. A child needs to be at school at a particular time. A message should probably be answered today.
Your own condition does not always come with such a clear deadline. That makes it easy to postpone.
You did not sleep well today. Tomorrow there is no time for a walk. The day after tomorrow is already full of other tasks. Another week passes.
I realised that I could wait a very long time for a more convenient moment. So I started paying attention to my condition within the life I already had.
I stopped automatically answering: “I’m fine”
When someone asks, “How are you?” most of us answer without thinking. Fine. Everything is okay. Getting by.
I answered the same way, even when I woke up tired and wanted nothing in the evening except to lie down on the sofa.
Eventually, I started being more direct with myself. I am tired. I do not have enough energy. I do not like the fact that this keeps happening.
Saying this did not solve the problem. But after that, it became more difficult to pretend that nothing was happening.
Small changes matter too
When you have felt exhausted for a long time, it is easy to decide that everything must change at once. Completely rebuild your day, begin a different life and never break your own rules again.
In practice, plans like these often last only a few days. Especially when you already have very little energy.
I began appreciating smaller changes that I could realistically repeat. Going to bed earlier. Going outside for a walk. Not leaving food until late in the evening. Paying attention to what left me feeling better and what made things more difficult.
I wrote more about this approach in “Why It Is Important Not to Devalue Small Changes” .
I do not expect tiredness to disappear forever
Life will still include difficult weeks, sleepless nights, worries, long journeys and days after which you simply want to lie down.
I am not trying to make sure that I never feel tired. A different distinction matters to me now.
Feeling tired after a demanding period and gradually recovering is not the same as constantly living without energy.
For a long time, I did not really notice that difference.
I no longer want to get used to living without energy
For a long time, I thought constant exhaustion simply came with adult life. Work, family, responsibility, moving abroad and age. There was always another explanation.
Eventually, I stopped convincing myself that waking up tired and waiting all day for the evening was normal. I did not find one answer to every question. I simply began paying more attention to how I felt each day and what I could gradually change.
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